When I grow up………

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Although I’m legally considered an adult, I don’t always feel that I’m doing it correctly. Especially when I reflect on life choices. For shame. At almost 30 years old you would imagine there should be a clear path for where my life is headed. Nope. Not even a little. I still have no clue what I wanna do. I imagine my indecisiveness and short attention span are the main reasons for bailing on the idea of college. I could just never commit with absolute certainty to one career path. I wanted to be a lawyer who hosted my own talk show, radio show, and cooking show, while doing my book tour in my food truck and doing stand up on the weekends and teaching English at LSU… Sad thing about it, I still want all of those things except for being a lawyer- no thanks.

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Even as a parent myself, I still will never understand why my parents- or any other parents- feel the need to sugarcoat the shit sundae that is life. Why tell children they can be anything they want? Don’t get me wrong I support my children’s hopes and dreams, but only the realistic ones. I have no qualms about letting my 4 year old know she’ll never be Elsa when she grows up. Or Spiderman. I want my kids to find something that they’re excellent at and excel in it. I also absolutely believe that could very well be multiple things. I’m living proof of that. At this current stage of my life I have let too much time pass to achieve EVERYTHING I want to do. I’m still working towards my food truck. Baby steps.

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All of my childhood and teenage years I was obsessed with all things literature. The number of books I’ve read is so astronomical I couldn’t begin to guess what it is. I used to write so much. I am actually a published poet thanks to my freshman English teacher in high school. I still read 3-4 books a day if I can manage. And I decided why not start writing again. So I have decided to actively start writing a book. Hopefully my first of many. It’s something I can easily manage around my family and work schedules. I haven’t been this excited since my divorce from my first husband was finalized.

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I will be sharing progress and maybe some rough drafts here. Feedback will naturally be appreciated.
Until then… Bye Felicia

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Same shit, different year…

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Well it has been some months since I’ve written anything here. Life has been insane. Some major health issues, a new house, a wedding, lots of holiday nonsense. And I fucking survived it all, albeit barely. Now it is 2015- the year of Marty McFly ๐Ÿ™‚ I find it hysterical seeing everyone’s resolutions for this year, more accurately for this month.

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I will never understand why people don’t have realistic goals as resolutions. Or why it must be done at the beginning of the year. Yes, January 1st is the only time you can set goals for your life. When I set resolutions they are something I know I will accomplish, I’d never set myself up for failure.

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My “New Years resolutions”:

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1) Figure out how to handle the power of Dottie (my new Kitchen Aid mixer)

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2) Not miss a single episode of all my favorite, trashy, ridiculously awful reality shows (Little Women:LA, Big Women:Big Love, alllllll the Real Housewives, Vanderpump Rules and Friends or Lovers) Thank you TiVo for recording my favorite train wrecks I can’t seem to look away from.

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3) Not die from excitement when Walking Dead and King of the Nerds returns.

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4) Try my hardest not to kill my smart-ass husband.

I believe those are all extremely attainable goals. They are also not anything I wouldn’t strive for any other time of the year. I am human however, so we’ll see.

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I wish everyone the best with their own resolutions!
Until next time.. Bye Felicia!!

His what? His fajha..

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Happy Father’s Day! The day to honor the man that created yu. Well, thats a touchy subject for myself, but, I’ve been blessed to have some amazing fathers in my life.

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My amazing better half. He is the epitome of what this day represents. He loves our children unconditionally (even the fur babies). He is a perfect example to our girls of what a man, husband, and father should be. He works hard to take care of us. He is the dad that let’s his daughter put a tiara on him, cover him in Disney Princess stickers, put glitter tattoos on him, makeup and hair bows, watches and loves the Disney Princess movies (Brave and Frozen are his favs), plays with the dolls in the castle, will be the horse to ride around the house on. He will play whatever imaginary role he is assigned.

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He’s a sucker for a “pwease dad” and a stuck out bottom lip. He makes bath time and hair brushing fun. He may not be perfect at anything else, but he’s got the Daddy role down to a T. And I love him so much for it. Alot of men in our generation just don’t play the Dad part well, or choose not to at all. My heart breaks for those children. I’m so thankful my girls have a good male role model. He’s just amazing.

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Next is a man who helped guide me in the right direction to find my husband. A man that showed me everything I knew I wanted one day.

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My Grandpa is the strongest man I have ever known. He’s the father figure I was lucky enough to have. He was with me the way my husband is to our kids. He did everything a father should have done, and more. He never had daughters, so I got to be that for him. He helped make me the person I am today and I’ll never have the words to thank him. He taught me to laugh as often as possible and never take things to serious. He is a fighter. He had a massive stroke and was given 6 months to live.. that was 12 years ago. He’s paralyzed and can’t speak but a few words that the average person wouldn’t be able to decipher. And he’ll only do that for certain people. But all his heart, soul, and personality is still as strong as ever. When I walk in the room, he still lights up, he still understands everything I say to him, he will tell me he loves me, he still hugs me like he’ll never let go, he still finds a way to give me his opinions, we still laugh til we cry. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have this, but I’m thankful for every moment. He’s imprinted himself in my heart, and he’ll be there forever even when he’s gone. โ™กโ™ก

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And my mother. She’s my very best friend, my rock. She has played both parenting roles for me. She has always done everything both parents would do. I didn’t miss out on anything. She made certain of that. If I only end up being half the woman, mother, and wife she is I’ll be golden. She deserves this holiday as much as any dad out there. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

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So whoever it is that has filled that role for yu, make sure and let them know how greatful yu are! Happy Father’s day ๐Ÿ™‚

Until next time- Bye Felicia!

PS: LET’S GO SPURS!!!

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DO IT FOR THE DADS!

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Ignoring=Stupid… Rant on!

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So a certain husband was digging through a laundry basket, whilst talking on the phone. I mean throwing things out of it.
“What are yu looking for? I can tell yu where it is.”
Because, of course, women know everything.
**silence**
**constipated face**
**weird head shake**
**continues phone conversation and juggling laundry**
“WHAT are yu looking for?!”
**the nonsense continues**
This goes on about 3 more times… at which point I’m getting extremely frustrated. (Side note: it’s laundry day. I literally know where every item of clothing is currently located.)

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He finally gets off the phone. So again, I ask the same question.
“What the hell are yu looking for? I will tell yu where it is.”
“Fuck off. I’m not talking to yu.”
“Why?! For trying to help yu?”
“Yur being a dick. I’m not stupid. I have eyes. I can see where stuff is.”
“But if yu tell me what it is, yu don’t have to look.”
**very long silence**
“Oh Lord. Ok, well fuck yu.”

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Men. I swear. Daily I’m asked where everything he touches ends up. But when I offer my assistance, I get the equivalent of talking to our 3 year old.

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Well what a way to start the day.
Now, this is a small, dumb argument. It was over after 15 more minutes of silence. The language is a regular thing. It’s just how we talk. Like a ship full of drunk sailors with blue balls. We’re vulgar. So, that doesn’t make this silly ass argument any bigger. We don’t consider it disrespectful towards each other. It’s just us. I needed to vent. A little man hating sesh. And thanks to this lovely, little, peach of a blog I can ๐Ÿ™‚
Do any other ladies have regular, silly ass arguments with the Ol ball and chain? The ones that make yu want to shake the shit outta them?!
Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.

Until next time- Bye Felicia!

Hello Clarice..

wpid-dormthumb.jpgHey there, whoever the heck yu are reading this nonsense. I guess I should start off with a lil about myself.. I’m an old soul of a lady. I am a mother/stepmother (same thing) to 2 beautiful little girls. I have a pretty badass man by my side that drives me bat shit crazy at times but loves me just as much. I hope to share some of my wisdom on somethings. Maybe share my day. Maybe tell a hilarious and true story ( I have tons). Maybe some tips on how I do things LIKE A BOSS (cooking, dealing with men, children, and animals, lip sync battles, shower karaoke) Really just whatever I feel like rattling on about. I talk alot, I mean ALOT. My ol man gets tired of hearing me, as most men do.. sooo I figured I’d just word vomit here ๐Ÿ™‚ So, for my first post I’m just tryin to learn the ropes on this here site. It’s strange- not knowing what the hell yur doing. It’s like the first time yu try and have sex. I say try because, well, thats all yu can do in that situation. Yes, I’m the awkward wordpress virgin. So for all yu seasoned professional ones, that have been around the wordpress block – bare with me. I am stoked to have an outlet for expression and whatever the hell I feel like talking about. I used to think FB was good for saying whatever I felt like. Nope. I was dead wrong. I’m hoping this is a less drama attracting way to do that. We shall see…….

until next time- Bye Felicia!